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Making Time for Intimacy

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Taking time to nurture our intimate relationships is critical.  A healthy sex life has been said to be the “glue” to help keep our marriages strong and healthy.  But with the hustle and bustle of our lives, it can be a real challenge to make and keep this area a priority.  However, with a little know how and advanced planning, we can come out winning in our intimate relationships.

 So what are some common intimacy distractions and the solutions to increase intimacy?

  1. Busy Schedules.  Whether it’s putting in long hours at the office or running from one thing to the next, too busy of a schedule can zap your energy and may interfere with your romantic desire for your spouse.
    Solution:Try to leave work at the office and make a conscious effort to keep work and home life separate. It’s equally important to not over-commit to a lot of outside activities. Learn to say, “No” to lower priority things, so you can say, “Yes” more often to your spouse.
  2. Children. It’s true: children ARE a blessing, except when you’re trying to be intimate with your spouse! As cute as they are, they have an amazing ability to zap your energy and occupy a great deal of your attention.
    Solution:  When you have younger kids, it’s important to use bed time strategically.  Make sure the kids go to bed on time consistently to allow for “grown-up” time.  Also don’t hesitate to hire a babysitter or allow them to spend quality time at Grandma’s house.  If your kids are older, take advantage of their natural inclination to sleep in late, then make those morning hours work for you; your relationship will thank you!
  3. Unresolved Conflict. One sure fire way to dampen the mood and decrease opportunities of intimacy is to have unresolved conflict in your relationship. Oftentimes one spouse can still feel in the mood in the presence of conflict while the other isn’t the slightest bit interested.
    Solution: Be purposeful in dealing with conflict as swiftly as possible so it doesn’t seriously affect your intimate life. Resist the urge to sweep things under the rug, leaving issues unresolved; it only hurts the both of you in the end.
  4. Electronics. Our electronics can pose as a huge intimacy distraction. From our laptops, smartphones, tablets, big screens and beyond, our electronic devices prevent us from interacting intimately as a couple.
    Solution: This might sound scary but all we have to do is STEP AWAY from the electronics! Matter of fact, cut them off, put them away, and engage with your spouse. That email, text, video, or TV show can wait.
  5. Low Energy Levels. Low energy levels can result from a number of things especially from the reasons mentioned above. However, sometimes when we neglect our health or have undetected health issues, it can also affect our libido.
    Solution: It’s important that we eat right, exercise, take our vitamins, and get plenty of sleep. If energy or desire is still lagging, then scheduling an appointment with the doctor may help you get back in the saddle again.
  6. Mix-Matched Sex Drives. Many times as couples we have different sex drives. The husband may have a greater sexual appetite than his wife or vice versa. This can result in one spouse feeling rejected and unfulfilled while the other spouse feels pressured to engage when they’re just not in the mood.
    Solution: In order to combat this, it’s important to practice the art of compromise and selflessness. Maybe you would prefer intimacy once a week while your spouse prefers intimacy every day (or several times a day!). Instead of blaming the other person for not respecting your need for more or less sex, find a mutually agreeable compromise that you both can live with. Marriage is about giving of self; it’s not always about being on the receiving end. Learning to compromise and give unselfishly will go a long way in keeping each other satisfied.

There are many reasons why it’s difficult for couples to make time for intimacy. However, as long as both individuals remain committed to one another’s happiness, identify intimacy distractions, and make the necessary changes, a satisfying and intimate relationship can be your reward.

So how do you make time for intimacy in your relationship? Leave your comment below.


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Ginger Finney is a Certified Relationship Coach and President of Harmony Life Solutions. Harmony Life Solutions (HLS) provides professional coaching services and resources for women and families. Ginger brings more than twenty years of marriage and family experience to her practice, and embraces the opportunity to see her clients thrive in their relationships. © 2015, Ginger Finney. All rights reserved.


  • Guest
    Glennda Friday, 24 January 2014

    Our children are in their pre-teens and early teens and lately, due to their activities' schedules, we've been able to steal time away while they're gone. It has only been a few weeks now, but we're looking forward to basketball practices--we have begun dating again during that brief interlude of an hour or two. A meal at a sub shop, even just running a simple errand together like grocery shopping gives us alone time where we can actually finish a sentence or two and those simple moments have become precious to us both.

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